Love Struck

Her fingers crossed over her mouth, her eyes rolled left and right. She was anxious, she was worried. Her heart began to beat faster. She’s at it again. She’s feeling something she felt two years ago, only this time it came with a bigger wave which struck her open heart hard. It made her weak. It made her soft. It changed her. It defeated her. It was the same feeling she felt for Ryan a couple of years back. It was exactly the same but…it’s different too.

Although Ryan was an almost perfect guy, he was humble. That made him the perfect guy in her wish list. For two years he had taken good care of her, steered her in the right path although he fumbled his own steps sometimes. He tried to be there for her though he knew he couldn’t. He tried to make her happy. He wanted to buy her gifts but she refused to let him. She didn’t want him to spoil her.

Just because she knew this was coming.

She knew, somehow, someday, she would fall for Caine. Who was she kidding? He has been lurking secretly in her wish list. He hit her hard, her heart was ruptured. It was an unexpected blow and now, she can’t afford a day without thinking of him. And when she does think of him, it filled her emotionally. Uneasy but it was the most wonderful feeling she felt at that moment. No words could describe it as she had felt it.

But is it mutual?

She hoped it was. She could understand if it wasn’t but it’ll be unbearable. For some reasons, Caine was draining her spirit away. Before him, she didn’t really care if she can’t get the guy she’s after, including Daniel (refer to “A Valentine Interview”). She never did. She could easily move on. Ryan made it a little tougher but Caine made it unthinkable, unacceptable. She doesn’t just want him. She needed him.

And to think, despite of her deep love for her prince, she was no fairytale princess. More like a damsel in distress who fell for a cheap trick when the knight in shining armour told her he would rescue her. And she foolishly waited.

“Emma?” She heard a faint voice from afar…

…..

“Emma..?” It was reaching for her, approaching nearer…

…..

“Emma, milady!” It struck her like a bolt of lightning from Zeus.

Only it wasn’t Zeus. It was Gabriel with a relieved look when she finally sees him eye to eye. Luc was examining her love struck face. He sighed. Tears welled up in her eyes. Her lips however, curled into a smile.

“Gabe, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend I don’t love him anymore. I can’t pretend I don’t care about him. I can’t. I love him.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. She was serious.

“Em, it’s about Caine, isn’t it?” Gabriel took her hands. She nodded. She wasn’t looking at him. He knew why.

“I…I really can’t, you know. I tried; I really did try, didn’t I? I thought I had the hang of it last week but I was actually yearning to see him again, to see his face and listen to his voice. I dreamt of him many times. You know I don’t just dream up guys unless I really love him. Even when I was with Ryan, I had to tell myself to dream of him – Ryan, I mean. But Caine, he…he just…he haunts me even in my dreams. No, he doesn’t scare me. He just keeps visiting me. I don’t know what else to do…Gabe…”

He squeezed her hands in his.

“Why am I feeling this with such intensity? Why, Gabe? Oh, if only he knew…If only Caine knows…” she began to whine.

Yes, if only he knew. What difference would it make then? Like any other matured guy she knew before, he would only think she wasn’t serious about it. Thus, they can’t form a relationship between them and her. Ah, but if only he knew what he’s doing to her. Emma never lied on love. She loves Love. She loves to love. She loves to be in love. Poor thing, she doesn’t realize it’s killing her, the passion for one guy. It’s eating her heart inside out, corrupting her mind and disintegrating her soul. Soon she will be completely in love with him. If he were to disappoint her, he better say it now. When she loves him wholeheartedly, it will be too late by then.

He will end up doing something he’d regret later on.

He’s going to crush her.

And when he does, his name will forever rest in peace within her memories, never to surface again…

When that happens, he’ll learn what heartbreak really means.

Emma doesn’t forgive and forget with a snap of the fingers. It’s one or neither.

There She Goes Again

“Watching American Idol again?”

Gabriel offered a drink to Emma. It was plain water but it was enough to quench her thirst. Cold water, as usual. He took a seat next to her and drank from his own glass. “I didn’t saw it to the end last night. I had to follow mom, remember?” Emma replied.

“Oh yeah, the Lent thing,” Gabriel took another sip. “So, how is it going?”

“What is?”

“The show…”

“Oh. Well, the participants are younger this time. And there’s more attitude than the last season. I like Ramiele Malubay and Syesha Mercado. Danny Noriega is annoying but I think it is fun to see him on stage. I think. He kind of reminds me of a few schoolmates last year. Err, no, I think only one schoolmate. Well, whatever, he’s cocky.”

“Four were struck off, right?”

“Hmm, yeah, wasn’t really fond of them anyway. Hey, I’m just a TV audience.”

Gabriel slapped her forehead. She slapped his arm. They both laughed at each other. It was certainly something Emma needed. She’s been quiet ever since her sister Roxanna went home to her husband’s house, along with baby Natalie. Kadazandusun women who gave birth had to follow a period of traditional dos and don’ts for at least two months subsequent to the births. It was only this morning that Roxanna left but Emma missed Natalie already.

She was bored at home. Having the trio around was a great help.

“Oh well,” she sighed. “I’ll be babysitting Nat full-time next Monday onwards cause Rox’s working again. Boy, I’m so gonna miss them, Nat and Aidan when I’ve to leave for university.”

Gabriel smiled at her.

“Quit it, Gabe, I’m darn bored here! I wanna play the Sims 2 but she took my external hard-drive with her. She’ll return it soon of course but I wanna play now!” Emma pouted. It was always amusing to see her pout. She looked like an overgrown baby with long, black hair and a childish attitude that never seemed to leave her. She was in that kind of mood where, if she was dating someone, she would turn into a spoilt but very cute, doll princess, if you get what I mean. Strangely enough, guys around her like it when she pouts. The fact is, when she pouts she doesn’t demand anything. She’d stay close with you and talk as if the world was heaven, you are her Prince Charming and everything is the most beautiful. Somehow, the guys find it a boost to their self-esteem. It was as if she was hitting on them, at the same time making them feel greatly needed and appreciated.

True, there’s a child in every one of us but for Emma, it’s a baby who’s a few months old. The one that you just hate to love but you’d make much a fuss if she cried or something was to happen to her.

That’s why people hate it when she’s serious. When she is, you’ll feel the world has crumbled down on you – her words get too deep, you can’t swim in her thoughts and her vision’s too far you’d wonder, how old is she?

Luckily, she’s the overgrown baby most of the time. What a perfect way to describe her. An overgrown baby. She seemed so innocent but she’s just damn matured enough to make you crazy cause she starts to sound like your mother. But who doesn’t love one’s mother?

“I’m bored!!!” Emma hugged her pillow and continued to pout.

Gabriel shook his head, still wearing his smile.

“Alright, I’ll go and download some games for you, milady.”