Hush. Listen. Listen carefully now. Can you hear it? Hear the unvarying beating of the heart. Can you feel it? Feel its warm pulsation. Ah, the wonderful feeling, survived through the war-torn years.
Our Father in heaven, hear please, your earthly daughter…
She knelt with her hands drawn to each other, brought together in prayer. Her hair danced gracefully with the night wind to the eerie chirruping of nocturnal birds. Her eyes closed. Her lips beamed.
Her heart drummed to the lunacy twirled inside her. Insane feelings raced to overlap one another. It was all about love – warm, yearning, beautiful and heavenly, all those yet they shout love in capitals. Insane, most certainly. Crazy, absolutely.
Lord Father, grant me the heart, the will so love may reside within me and never leave.
A bold wish, risky and foolish.
She continued to pray in silence and felt a tap on her shoulder. Her Creator stood at her side, with a gentle look on his face. He took her by hand and told her to come with him, for a walk.
She looked around her, at the silent darkness. She nodded in faith. She followed him. At first it was just around the house.
“My child,” the Lord said. “Do you know what you’re asking for?”
“Yes, I want love,” she replied.
“You asked for love to never leave you, child.”
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
“I can give you love but…”
“But what?”
“Love is a very powerful thing. It is very intense.”
“I know that.”
“No one who has loved has lived unhurt. It is a powerful feeling and so is the pain. I know this is about a guy, right?”
“You really don’t have to ask. You know everything.”
The Lord laughed.
“Is he handsome?”
“Lord, he’s not as good-looking as the other guys but he’s fine.”
“He’s not ugly then. Is he rich?”
“No and no. He comes from a middle class family. His pay check is so-so. He has to support his family.”
“Reliable. Is he well-educated?”
“He could have done better.”
“Is his job secure?”
“He’s into his seventh year now. He’s good at his work; I don’t think his company might want to lose him.”
“How old is he?”
“Nine years older than I am.”
“Does he smoke or drink?”
“Neither.”
”Can he drive?”
“Yes, and he drives a local, black car – nice.”
“Does he like kids?”
“Yeah, he does. He’s always nice to them.”
“Does he want kids?”
“I don’t know. I never asked him that.”
“Have you told him your feelings? What was his response?”
“I did and he treats me kindly enough to make me like him more. He doesn’t say things directly. He’ll sometimes talk stuffs related to Theology.”
“He’s religious. Is he interested in becoming one of my generals?”
“A priest, you mean? I don’t know. He said he’ll tell me if he wants to.”
“I see.”
“Lord, why are you asking me all these?”
“Can’t I?”
“Well…it’s just that you know everything, don’t you?”
“It’s always nice to hear it from your own mouth.”
“Oh…”
“So, how much do you love him?”
“Err…hey, I thought love is to no extent? “
“Of course but there are so many kinds of love. This guy you like, he’s not a model potential, he’s not rich, average income, he didn’t get his PhD or Masters, he worked from a young age (meaning he lost a lot of opportunities), he doesn’t drink or smoke, he drives a local car, he likes kids and cleanliness, he bottles his feelings and he’s quite religious. Sounds like an old-fashioned guy to me. You grew up with all things modern. So what kind of love do you think you have for him?”
“I asked for your guidance, didn’t I? A few days ago. And I realized that I love him for him. He’s not old-fashioned. He’s a gentleman. You sound like a father interrogating his daughter on her suitor.”
“I am your father. To what extent do you love him?”
“To none, Lord. I told you I love him for him.”
“Would you die for him?”
She didn’t reply. The Lord looked at her. She has never thought of that question.
“Would you die for him?” The Lord repeated Himself.
“Lord, if I said yes, you’d say I’m being childish. If I died, leaving him alone on earth, knowing that he was the reason I died for, wouldn’t that be cruel?”
“Then tell me what you would do for him.”
“If given the chance, I will stay with him in sickness or in health, richer or poor, when he’s suffering or not, I will be there for him. I will try to bring him on his feet again when he falls. I will work my role well.”
“Many have promised as you did - and many have failed. Will you fight temptations?”
“I will but if I grow weak, Lord, I will seek for your help.”
“Do you love yourself? Do you love your family?”
“I do, Lord. You gave them to me. I am thankful.”
The Lord nodded and said, “Come.”
In a jiff they were in a detached house. The furniture painted a cosy feeling in the air. No one was in the house but there were voices outside. Outside, three children were playing chase with their dog. The mom was cradling a younger one. The dad was fixing a doghouse.
The Lord said, “Can you see how happy they are?” She nodded. “It’s cute,” she replied. “It’s beautiful,” said the Lord.
They left. They came to a mansion that houses a big family. Like the previous family, everyone was happy. Children running here and there, teenagers at the TV, grandparents were chit-chatting with the parents. “The family’s ancestors worked hard for this. The wealth earned was used well by the children. They are really happy. Love can bring you all these but…”
The Lord took them to another mansion. The family here was busy minding their own business. The children were left in the hand of nannies. The butler runs the house. Teenagers chat away for hours on the phone. The parents brought them a lot of things as long as it kept the children entertained and busy enough to disturb them and their work.
Again, the Lord took them away, this time into an apartment. The place was a wreck. The husband and wife quarrelled while the children were left unattended. It was a messy place, not fit to be lived in. “They used to be a happy family too, until one woman came and destroyed them. This woman ruined them and left without a trace.”
“Err, Lord, what are you trying to tell me?” The girl finally dared to ask. Throughout the journey she was wondering what was it that the Lord wanted her to see.
“My child, love can bring you happiness if you know how to nurture it. However, love also has a second face – lust. Lust won’t be so kind. Lust will bring temptations. Lust destroys you. If you are not careful, you will fall. Can you conclude for me now, child?”
“I think so. You’re saying that if we love each other with respect, loyalty, faith and love itself, we will be happy even if we do not own the world. But if we fail to, even the mighty can fall. And those who are unfortunate before would suffer a great deal. Or at least that’s what I think.”
“You’re getting there. Actually I wanted to say that love is not easy. You don’t love and expect it returned the way you want it.”
“Like you sent your Son to die for us yet there are many more who are astray?”
“Exactly.”
“I think I understand now.”
“So do you still want love? Not everything is beautiful, you know.”
“I still do, Lord. If I can’t go through it alone, I have you, right?”
“Indeed.”
“So? Can I have love or what?”
“Oh, alright. You can love him as much as you want. But if you’re serious about it, don’t let him down. Don’t let me down.”
“Sure, no problem. You can always give me a knock if I’m doing something wrong.”
“You have to listen carefully or you won’t be able to hear me. Oh, and, remember to forgive those who have sinned against you.”
“So that you will forgive me for I have sinned against you myself.”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“OK, I’ll remember that.”
“Then I’ll have to go now. I have lots to do. If I rested for one minute, the world will die.”
“You’ve been with me for a while.”
“I am everywhere, child.”
“Oh, yeah, right…”
“Don’t forget that. Remember to pray ALWAYS.”
“Err…Lord, before you go, can I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
“Can you help me with this current love interest of mine?”
“I knew you would say that.”
“Well…it’s not always that I get to see my God. I can’t help it. Please?”
“We’ll see. I’m not telling you what I have in mind for you. Where’s the fun in it?”
“Lord, I knew you would say that.”
The Lord smiled. They were in her room once more. What seemed to be a long journey was actually a minute’s.
Emma looked around her. The Lord has left. She was still kneeling. She closed her eyes once more and continued to pray.
Lord…err, I don’t know what else to say. You brought me around and now I’m feeling really sleepy. Hmm…thank you, Lord. Thank you for everything. I love you. Amen.
A few moments later, Gabriel came in to check on her. When he saw her fast asleep, he shut the windows closed. He pulled the curtains and turned off the lights. He left her room quietly. The door closed behind him.
